FWF! And my 300th post!

So I’ve been absent from Free Write Friday for a while now but I’m glad I had a few minutes today to sit down and write! This is also my 300th post oFWF! And my 300th post!n this blog (whoo hoo)! Anyway, the prompt was:

My attempt:

Some days it just doesn’t make sense.
Not any of it.
How we threaten with palms tight around unlit matches
And eyes falling in love with gasoline canisters
Without hesitation

We forget that we are forests
We are branch limbed
And wildflower tongued
We are all too willing start something we cannot contain.

 

So that was my contribution to the prompt, hope you enjoyed! 

Free Write Friday! “You Called Me Love”

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The Prompt: Ponder This

Love was just a word
Just a flick of a tongue
A quick exhale
It only meant fleeting

And then you happened
And you’d call me ‘love’
And it made me feel like
I was burning under my skin

No one had ever gotten beneath the surface
Until you, your love, you nestled inside me
Wriggled your way through the cracks
I thought I’d kept well hidden

You planted your lips as seeds against the
Soil of my fluttering field heart and blossomed
A brilliantly beautiful thing you were,
And you’d call me “love”

My favorite past-time was running the
naked skin of my palms along the bared
Flesh of your back, kneading my fingers into
The softness that camouflaged the sinewy strength against your spine

No, it was looking into those eyes,
The ones that always drank me in as if I were the only thing to behold,
the way they turned my pulse into an impulsively pulsating rhythm uncontrollable.

Or maybe it was just loving you back.
Yes, loving you back as hard as I was capable
Until my knuckles ached from holding on
And my throat was raw from the strain of saying the words so much they became my exhale

Love never felt like butterflies to me
It was only just a word, fleeting
And then you happened
And you’d call me ‘love’

I swear there were wings inside
Beating gently against my ribcage
Eager to find their way to you
every time you called me ‘love’.

So it’s been a couple of weeks since I posted for #FWF it feels good to be back! I actually started a story for last weeks prompt but I haven’t had a chance to finish it yet, keep an eye out for a really creepy story though 🙂

I hope you guys enjoyed this, it was random as always. I look forward to reading what everyone else posted in response to this prompt as well! 

Be sure to check out Kellie on twitter @kellie_elmore and you can follow me there as well @talichaj 

This is me

I am Frank Ocean and deadmau5
Classical and pop
Comedy and horror
Modern and traditional
Cheap beer and sweet wine

I am simply complicated
The way sour patch kids left you perplexed
The first time you ever tasted them

I am made of absent minded mother
And just plain absent father
I am only child raised In the home
But sibling to older brother and sister

I am poetry at it’s most average
Young adult novel and short stories
You will find me on the beach just to sit
In the ocean just to float

I am a million different things
There are parts of me most people will never see
But for the most part this is me.
Flats never heels
Makeup when I want to feel pretty
Pretty when I want to feel loved
Wanting to feel loved when I need it.

Keepsake

There’s something about remembering,
Something about the way it feels to return to a moment,
Something about how I lose myself in the past,
That scares me and excites me simultaneously.

I tried to forget a lot of things,
Tried to forget the way you held me,
How your kiss warmed me,
The way your name felt slipping from my tongue…

But these things are etched into my heart,
As if it’s only purpose was to be erected as a
Monument of us, of you, of who you made me feel I was.
No, maybe they are more like an epitaph.

We buried ourselves so long ago.
Our love, our life together became an unmarked grave,
And the one thing I’ve managed to truly forget, is where we left ourselves.
So, I leave flowers at every nameless tombstone I come across in hopes of finding us beneath the dried petals and overgrown weeds.

We are not lost,
I have to remind myself that we are not lost.
You are only a phone and bad judgment call away,
I have your number memorized, and the sound of your voice,
The way you said my name,
The way you said my name like you still loved me.

There’s something about remembering,
Something about the way it feels to return to the moments we were in love,
Something about how I lost myself inside the dream of our future,
That saddens me and relieves me at the same time.

I tried to forget everything.
That didn’t work so now, I don’t try.
I just let it be what it can only be.
And hold your memory like a keepsake in my heart.

Love and Riding Bikes

larb

Letting go of love is a lot like that moment you learn how to ride a bike on your own;
The whole time, someone else has been there right beside you
helping and supporting you,
and isn’t that an essential part of love?
The support I mean.

And you feel different because you have them there,
more assured and confident.
Just the thought of them not being there is terrifying and absolutely impossible to imagine.
You know without any doubt that they are necessary to maintain your balance and peace of mind,
you believe that it’s the two of you together that enables you to be so brave and successful.
Thing is, you’re only fooling yourself because they let go a long time ago,
and it’s just been you, holding your on self up and moving your own self forward.

You’ll wobble for a bit at first when you realize they are not going to be there when you look back,
fear will make you believe the most absurd things sometimes, it makes you believe that you would not stay steady on your on, that you will not gain speed and become comfortable taking the lead by your self;
Fear is a liar

Letting go of love feels like that moment when I realized I was pedaling on my own,
doing something for myself.
And yes, it was scary, I zigged and zagged and wobbled,
but I never fell.
I supported my self,
and I think that’s an essential part of the best love,
of self love.

I hope you guys enjoyed this new poem! I may record it later since you guys seem to like the spoken word pieces I do. Thanks for reading! Check back for more or you can follow me on twitter @talichaj where I post all updates! 

Did you miss my last poem “Just Be”? It’s okay you can read/listen here!

Just be

I used to think marriage,
Think children; a whole house filled
I used to think not quite picket fence
More like wrap around porch
And weeping willow by the lake

I used to think cookies baking
Lemonade sipping at sunset
And laughter, lots of laughter

I used to think you,
Not just you but you and me,
Think kisses, think safety, think love.
Now I think I thought too much
Now I live now, not later
Now I don’t think about you

Don’t think about us
Don’t think about the potential we had
Decided not to fret about a fairytale
Decided not to dwell on what isn’t
what won’t, what can not.

Chose to let go of frivolous thoughts
It hurt to hold on to loving you
I Chose to let go of what hurt so long to hold on to
Chose to just be.
Un-holding
Un-held
No thinking about not thinking.
I think I figured out how to just be.

 

The dark places

The dark places
pull you below,
They grasp tightly
like weights on ankles
under water

They steal the air
from burning lungs,
And draw the screams
from tumultuous guts

The dark places
Relentlessly cast you in fear,
They convince you light has ceased.
It will never cease

When the darkness surrounds you
turn yourself into fire of determination
that equally lights the way
and sears the fingers of the dark that holds you.

Don’t you just love a random free write in the middle of the night? I have no clue where this poem came from, or even what it’s supposed to mean to me. However, I wrote it so I thought I’d share it in its raw form.

The leap

This is a super short story (less than 500 words) that I wrote as part of a writing prompt given by @writerlytweets We were asked to begin with the words “She jumped” and write for ten minutes. This is what I came up with. 

leapsharp 

   She jumped, well figuratively speaking, since her feet\ never actually left the ground. But she did indeed leap and did so without looking for fear of freaking out. We all have those things that just get to us, the ones that we can’t help but attempt to avoid at all costs. This was one for her. She had stayed up all night contemplating the options that lay ahead of her. Should she stick this out, see what it could really become or should she just call it quits and get the heck out of dodge?

   Love was not something Remy understood before she met Miles, and to be honest, it’s still not something she understands even after realizing she just may love him. She had always been on the outside of what was normal; no real family, no education beyond high school and no worthy relationships. Her life had been a series of events that led her to circumstances beyond her control. She worked, and at work she minded her own business. Then she went home…alone. Well technically she wasn’t completely alone because she counted Mr. sniffles, her light brown and white haired cat. She and Mr. sniffles were doing just fine on their own until one day Miles walked into the coffee shop and ordered a tall caramel mocha and double chocolate chunk cookie from her. He’d made some lame joke that surprisingly made Remy laugh without even meaning to. He had told her she had a beautiful smile and promised to come back to see it again. He hadn’t lied. In fact, he came by every day for two weeks just to speak with her for reasons she still cannot comprehend. Eventually, she gave in to his requests and joined him for dinner. Since that night they’d been inseparable.

   Love is not something Remy can explain. It took a lot more than two weeks of coffees to bring her to this ledge, her and Miles spent nearly a year learning one another as friends and testing her limits. He told her he loved her early on, but said that he’d wait for her to be ready to accept that from him. He honored his word, never pushing or pressuring her. It just hit her that she couldn’t imagine her life without him in it. So tonight, she stands before him, eyes filled with fright and awe, and she just does it. She jumps. It is every bit as scary as she thought it would be but loving someone outweighs that fear. And being loved outweighs everything else.

My possibly unpopular opinion on racism…

I don’t normally discuss this because it’s a tricky topic but I felt like expressing a few thoughts on the matter: racism. It’s something that is so huge and constantly focused on. It’s this massive thing that takes all of the air out of the room in an instant. People put so much energy into what lies in the past that it has no choice but to be a part of the present and ultimately the future. As an African American (which I won’t even get into the details of how much that lable annoys me right now) I find myself constantly on edge anytime I encounter other “African Americans” encountering “white America”. I just know someone will yank out race card for some unnecessary reason and it’s embarrassing. Is racism a current issue? Of course, it will never cease to be because hatred and lack of acceptance is hard to eradicate. Yes, there are racists all over the world, and they have children who grow up to become racists and so the cycle continues and will always do so. But not every white person hates black people or Asians or Latinos and vice versa. So when I hear generalizations it bothers me. When I hear people speaking of racism I hear them say “I hate white people because they’re all racist”. No. They aren’t all racist, in fact I’m 100% sure that the person making that remark is indeed the racist.

I guess the main opinion that I want to share with you all (which I’m fully prepared for the vote of unpopular opinion I may receive for this) is that racism will be forever perpetuated by “reverse racism”. I know I know, a lot of people don’t believe that’s a thing. Ultimately neither do I, but that’s only because at the end of the day I believe it doesn’t matter which side it is coming from or going to, if it’s racism it’s racism. But the thing is, some people feel they are not racist when they make negative remarks against a whole other race just because said race is the majority. News flash, that’s racism. I guess the way I see it is this: racism is a stereotype that White Americans endure. Same as Black Americans endure the stereotype that they are lesser. Lesser educated, poised and stable. Which we all know is not true in every case. Of course like all stereotypes, there’s some truth to them. However, they are only the truths of the sums of each races parts and not the whole. Every race has faults, that’s what being human boils down to most days. We all have the potential to be the same person whether we are White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, Indian, gay, straight, Catholic, Christian…so on and so forth. These are all labels we use to define the things that separate us from the person next to or across from us. They share our existence but they do not make us who we are at our cores. Once you strip those labels away the only one that is left is human. That is the only race that we should be fighting for. Yes each group has their own cultures and that’s beautiful. Own it. But I don’t believe the difference should be used as weapons, we only fight ourselves to use them as such.

Will my thoughts on this subject matter much? Maybe not. But I share them with you anyway. I don’t intend to take away from anyone else’s experience with racism. If you’ve experienced it then I can understand the sensitivity you have for the issue. I only ask that you do not judge a whole entire group for the actions and words of only a fraction of them. It is never fair to box in a group and label them without knowing where they stand. I am not your “typical black woman” I guess, and yes that’s another one of those pesky labels. But it doesn’t bother me. I am human first and the culture of my ancestry comes after that. It does not define me wholly, only my actions and the way I live my life can do that. My last words on racism is this; racism is something that only thrives because we feed it. I’m not so much an optimist that I think we can do away with it altogether but I believe we can diminish its flames, make it something less frequent. The key is to let it go, to not hold it in your hearts against those who did not do the harm. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible either.

So those are my thoughts. I’d love to know what you think in the comments below and you can feel free to discuss this further with me via Twitter @talichaj

“The next morning” A short story!

“The next morning”
When I woke up the next morning my mouth was dry, tongue sticking to roof. My eyes felt violated by the stabbing harshness of the sunlight pouring through the window. However, the most noticeable feeling was the way my stomach kept dropping as if I lay on a roller-coaster instead of a bed and I was quickly approaching the first big dip. Groaning, I turned my head to shield myself from the piercing light. I willed my body to cooperate instead of turning against me as waves of nausea washed over it while I stared blankly ahead. I didn’t care to check the time on the clock by the window nor to attempt to get out of bed to quiet my screaming bladder. I simply lay there willing the night before away. It was no use though, the whole entirety of the nights events played before me over and over again.

We were fighting again, Jace and I. Fighting about how he’d quit his job at the small diner we both worked at. His voice was strained as he’d yelled at me, “Emma, will you just let it go already?” he’d implored. “I quit, that’s it, there’s nothing more to discuss, we both know it’s a dead end job!” Gripping the steering wheel tightly I replied through gritted teeth, “The point, Jace, is that it was still a job, dead end or not. Who  cares if it leads to nowhere if in the mean time we can pay our bills on time and continue to afford our home.” Sighing loudly, Jace turned towards me, “Ems, look I get it, you’re worried about our future but I promise we’re going to be okay. I’ve already lined up gigs for the band babe.” I scoffed at that. The so called “band” consisted of Jace and three of his lazy ass stoner friends from our high school days. Sure, they could play, they were really good actually. But the only person who bothered to show up to practice or attempted to get them shows consistently was Jace. I’d lost faith a while ago that they’d make it as a band, Jace could go solo but he was too loyal for our own good. “Honey,” I said as calmly as I could while simultaneously switching lanes, “You can’t rely on the band. There’s no way you’re going to make even a half of what you make at the diner monthly. I just wish you would have talked to me about quitting first.” Jace sighed his frustrations at me once again. “Geez mom, I’m sorry I didn’t ask your permission!” Rolling my eyes at his sarcasm I started to retort but was interrupted when I suddenly flew forward from the impact of a truck slamming into us. The car made the most sickening crunch as the frame began to cave. The tires let out a high pitched wail as they struggled to grip the road. We spun and spun for what felt like ages until we finally crashed into a guard rail. I remember jolting awake seconds, maybe minutes after the impact. I looked over at Jace, his face bloodied, body slumped over towards the remnants of the door.

I must have passed out because next I was inside an ambulance. Voices were telling me to calm down, to lie still. A needle pricked me and then I woke up here in a hospital room. It was noisy with beeping and cold the way hospital rooms are supposed to be in the middle of the night I guess. When the nurse walked in she seemed surprised to see me awake. “Well, hello there darlin’.”, she’d had a deep southern drawl and a kind smile. “Hi.” was all I could choke out before she handed me a cup of ice chips. My throat was raw, taking away from the pain that was coursing through the rest of my body. “Your throat will be sore for a while love, you were screaming and carrying on somethin’ awful before the doctor sedated you.” Confused, I swallowed the melting ice chip and let the chill soothe my throat before attempting to speak. “What happened?” was all I could croak out. A look of concern had flashed across her face as she looked over at me from tinkering with a machine at my bedside. “Well darlin, you don’t remember?” she inquired softly. I shook my head and immediately regretted the motion. She moved closer to me, placing her warm hand on mine before speaking again. “Honey, you were in an accident. You are going to be just fine though, nothing another night or two here can’t fix.” She squinted her eyes and paused a moment before continuing as if contemplating whether she should keep going or not. After a few moments of thinking it over she continued, “But…your fiancé, well…he didn’t make it darlin”. That’s when I remembered.

Now, I squeeze my eyes shut trying to remove all of the previous nights events from existence. Outside the window a bird is singing as if the sun is cause for celebration. My body aches all over, something the kind nurse whose name I learned was Maggie, warned me would happen. I reached over and hit the button that would bring in Nate, Maggie’s a.m. relief. He promised to keep me good and medicated while I dealt with my pain. When he said that I wondered which pain he meant, I hoped it would soothe them all. While I waited for the medicine to come I allowed myself to think of him once more. It seems frivolous now, being upset over him quitting that stupid job. Just as a sob begins to snake it’s way from the hollow space within me Nurse Nate walks through the door. “Emma, it’s going to be okay.” he coos as he injects me and I begin to slip off. This time when I see Jace’s face it doesn’t hurt.

Hi there! Thanks for stopping by to read my short story! It’s random I know but I saw a prompt posted on twitter and this was the result. Thanks to @writerlytweets for giving a prompt starting with “when I woke up the next morning…” it was supposed to be a ten minute challenge but I took a little bit of extra time since I decided to write this story. Make sure you guys follow them, they have good content! See you next time! 

Free Write Friday! (Look! I’m on time)

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As usual, Kellie gave in interesting prompt. This one was intriguing to me because I had to dig down deep to see if any other gift stood out or meant as much to me as a child as the one I wrote about did. But no. This was the one.  What’s that you say? Oh, yeah, I know I AM on time this week! Unlike last week (whoops!) I actually sat down and did this one as soon as I saw the link. If you missed my poem for the last prompt, no worries, I’ll link it below! For now enjoy my yet to be titled attempt:

It was right before Christmas
in 1990-something when my mother and I were
in Kmart (a rare outing as it was far
and we had no car)
when I saw her.
Missy.

In all the glory a stuffed bear could possess
she sat atop the shelf and I knew I had to have her,
but no, my mother said, we must get what we came for
so she pulled me off to the aisles of necessity while
I looked longingly back at the shelf.

Fast forward to Christmas day where,
you guessed it, Missy sat displayed
beneath the fireplace!
And sure, she was just a stuffed animal
but when you’re young you latch on to these things.

Everything I did, I did with her in tow,
well, not everything.
I mean I definitely never took her outside to play
because I didn’t think my real friends would accept her,
I mean, come on, we were in elementary school by now for
goodness sake!
But I’d always be eager to come home to her,
tell her about my day, squeeze her during the exciting,
or scary or adventurous parts of the movie or tv show I was watching,
drag her from the couch to the bed with me, tucking her between
the fuzzed care bare sheets beside me.

It’s funny, how attached I was then
to something that could not attach itself to me…

Read last week’s FWF (that I posted only two days ago) here: Midnight

Thanks for reading my contribution to the prompt. I think I’d like to work on this in the future as I think I could definitely write this better. But for now, as the title suggests, it remains a FREE write, just writing with freedom and abandonment. 

One day

One day I’ll be back for you
One day I’ll be back for you…

We are not always meant to be
sometimes time has to step in between
And it hurts
The miles that stretch out in the space our hearts are supposed
to reside in goes on for days

I want to hold you
But I know it is not our era yet
One day I will kiss you and you will
Not taste the years we’ve lost

I will touch you and you will not feel
The way I grasp at you as though you are still
Only a part of my dreams

Instead you will feel warmth
And you will feel love
Because that is all I have for you
And one day I will come back to you, for you
Until then, live, love my love but never forget me

One day I’ll be back for you
One day I’ll be back for you…

Well, I decided to write this and record it in the wee hours of the night. So just like my last post “Laws and love” this one is pretty rough. Hopefully this too will be re-recorded but I still wanted to share what I’ve been up to with you guys. Thanks for reading/listening, let me know what you think in the comments. Feel free to tweet me @talichaj and I will see you guys next time! Have a great day 🙂

Laws and love

The law is that an object at rest remains at rest unless acted upon by a force.
My heart was once still as water on a quiet night
Until you threw your smile like skipping stones across it
Now it never experiences moments of halcyon tranquility

I am ever stirring with thoughts of you propelling me in multiple directions
As if you are everywhere and I am incapable of stopping until you make me
For an object in motion will remain in motion unless an external force acts upon it
In other words, you move me and if you do not interrupt me I will go on forever, loving you

You, you moon of a man I will beg the stars to move over just to make room for me
But they will not budge, I know, for you are a brilliant bright in the blinding night and they all just want to be near you
I wonder do you give them all the same crescent smile you tossed my way?
Is that why they never stay put in the sky, why I often lose them from my sight?

You are a force, like wind, only I can wrap my arms around you and I can feel your fingers dancing along my spine and I can look into those Bermuda triangles you’ve got for eyes and lose myself within them without worry. Some days you are stronger then you mean to be and you push me further from your reach but it never stops me from moving, loving.

For An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by a force
And I was once just an object at rest until you acted upon me.

Hope you guys enjoyed my newest poem. It’s still rough as I just wrote and recorded it within an hour. Maybe one day I’ll get the chance to do a legit recording of this piece as I rather like it. If you enjoyed “Newton’s Law” let me know in the comments below. Also, feel free to tweet me about this, or about the weather or how great or horrible your day is, you know whatever you want to tweet me here: @talichaj thanks! Have a great day 🙂

“Born to” Free write friday!

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Late as usual! Well here I am on Thursday posting for free write FRIDAY, lol. I had to go out of town last week and then came straight back to work so my time has been non-existent. But I’m back! I hope you enjoy this, it’s from this prompt. I didn’t use the last line of a book though, I used the last line to a poem by Sarah Kay called “The Type” which is a brilliant poem in my opinion so make sure you go check it out! Thank you for reading ❤

Born to

You were born to build.
Bridges birthed from your tongue,
safe houses founded on the open land of your heart,
trust seeded in your soul soil.

Strength in your vertebrae
that don’t break brittle under the
steps of the ungrateful.

You, you were born to build.
Yet you burn, tear, rip until all is fallen.
And you wonder, actually have audacity to
wonder why you stand alone.

Do not. Do not stand alone.
Brick and stone and wood
run through your veins.
I said brick and stone and wood
run through your veins,
You. were born. to build.

Thanks again for reading! Make sure you check out Sarah and follow me on twitter if you haven’t already to keep up with all the latest @talichaj 🙂

The After Days

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This week’s FWF prompt is a word bank:
blanket – falsetto – cumbersome – cinema – coins

The after days

she remained, tucked beneath the overstuffed blanket
she refused to remove a single limb or thought from the warmth and comfort of her bed.

life had morphed itself into something much more cumbersome than not
and she lacked the will to carry its burden today,

so she lay.
pretending her heart wasn’t broken.
dreaming that her world didn’t invert the moment he said all the things he shouldn’t have said…
only he should have said them,
sooner,
no, later,
no, never.
only he should have said them from the start.

should she hurt this way?
she wonders if its normal to physically feel pain when your heart breaks.
her eyes, dry now from crying days on end, they burn and sting when she does anything but close them.
she doesn’t like closing them though,
when she does, she sees his face, the way he smiled at her like she was the only reason in world to exist.
it makes her lungs angry when she thinks of this,
they protest by refusing to breathe normally.

She keeps playing the last happy moments, pictures the way his arm would fold itself around her when they walked into the cinema for the last time
hears his laugh as she begged him for coins to win him a present from the machine packed with stuffed animals, the way the quarters clinked together as he dug them out of his pocket and dropped them into her hands.
she smells the popcorn, feels the way her fingers brushed the edges of the torn ticket stub the attendant handed back to them, the opening credits begin,
there are pictures speeding by and a voice, falsetto, in surround sound singing to an ominous tune, he grabbed her hand, placed his lips to her palm

and that was it.
the last moments of happy they shared
and she can’t really figure out why.
no, she can’t really figure out why she hadn’t seen it coming.

Hi hope you guys enjoyed my latest poem! As usual the wonderful Kellie Elmore gave us a pretty cool prompt using the above word bank. I had no clue what I would write but this came out and I like it. Make sure you like and comment if you enjoyed this. Go check out Kellie and follow us both on twitter if you’re slacking and haven’t already done so @kellie_elmore and @talichaj Thanks so much!