FWF! And my 300th post!

So I’ve been absent from Free Write Friday for a while now but I’m glad I had a few minutes today to sit down and write! This is also my 300th post oFWF! And my 300th post!n this blog (whoo hoo)! Anyway, the prompt was:

My attempt:

Some days it just doesn’t make sense.
Not any of it.
How we threaten with palms tight around unlit matches
And eyes falling in love with gasoline canisters
Without hesitation

We forget that we are forests
We are branch limbed
And wildflower tongued
We are all too willing start something we cannot contain.

 

So that was my contribution to the prompt, hope you enjoyed! 

“Sunday Kind Of Love” (Excerpt) FWF!

The story up to this point: Leila and Remmy have been best friends since high school. Which is just about when Leila fell in love with him but since he never showed any interest she settled for being just friends. Now they are both in college and Remmy has just shared a secret he’d been keeping from her for years, something that will make it impossible for them to be together even though Remmy is finally confessing his true feelings for Leila.

Remmy was shaking beside her, she couldn’t tell if it was his frustration or something else at fault. “Leila, please don’t think less of me because of this.” he said with imploring eyes. All the anger she had flooded from her with that one look. “I could never think less of you for doing something you thought would help your family.” she said as she took his hand in hers and gave a tiny squeeze. She kept speaking, “But Remmy, this is a big deal. You have to tell your parents what’s going on.” He shook his head, “I can’t. That’s another part of my contract. I can’t tell anyone about it.” Leila tilted her head, “But you told me.” Remmy gave her a look, “You’re different. You’re the one person I can make the exception for.”

Leila tried to calm the sudden butterfly infestation that was occurring in her stomach as Rem gazed at her now. It was a different look, she thought she knew them all but this one was new. He was staring at her as if he was trying to tell her something, as if he needed her to know what he was thinking. “Leila, if I say something right now do you promise not to hold it against me in the future?” She gave him a questioning look but nodded slowly. Remmy turned on the bed so his whole body was facing her, then reached out and ran his thumb along her jaw line. The touch gave Leila warm shivers. What is happening, she thought as she stared at her best friend. When he spoke his voice seemed to be coming from far away, almost muffled. Yet, she heard him, she understood. “I know you’re my someone better.” he said. Leila closed her eyes and tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. Remmy’s finger stopped tracing her soft skin. She knew what she needed to say, she just didn’t want to speak the words.

This whole time she’d known he was the one, and now he was telling her she was the one too. But it didn’t matter, it’s not like they could ever be together now. “Remmy, don’t do this.” She pleaded as she opened her eyes again to look at him. He looked hurt as he spoke, “Why not Leila? I lo…” Leila gave him a stern look and shook her head as she cut him off. “Please don’t say what I think you were going to say.” Leila slid to the edge of the bed and stood quickly. “I’m gonna go.” Remmy was only a beat behind her, nearly stumbling from standing too quickly as he tried to stop her from reaching the door. “Why are you leaving?” He asked frantically. “Because Remmy, this is too much.” She had one hand on the door knob but she couldn’t go yet. With her back to him she rested her forehead against the door as if she needed it’s support to go on.

“Did you know?” She said tentatively, relishing the way the door cooled her skin. Behind her, she heard Remmy moving closer. “Did I know what?” He asked which caused Leila to let out a harsh laugh. “How I’ve felt about you. This whole time, what, five years we’ve been friends. Have you known this whole time?” This was easy, she thought, talking to him without looking at him. She could do this. “For years, Remmy, I have cared about you in a way that I have never cared for anyone else. Tell me, if you’ve known.” Remmy was so close now. He placed one hand on the door near the side of Leila’s face to brace himself. With his other hand he tugged at Leila’s waist, trying to turn her towards him. “Will you look at me, please?” he asked when she resisted. Reluctantly she turned and looked up into his eyes. “I didn’t know.” his voice was rough with emotion, “But I hoped you did. I hoped when you looked at me you saw something worth looking at. I hoped you felt something for me like what I feel for you.” His hand was still on her waist, with his other, he tilted her chin up towards his face. “Leila, I know you don’t want to hear this but I need to say it.” He waited for her nod before he bent his head down so close their noses brushed. Instinctively, Leila licked her lips as her heart raced. Now she was the one shaking.

Remmy’s warm breath was causing more shivers as her eyes fluttered shut. His lips were almost pressed to hers when he whispered, “I love you, Leila Andrews, I’m in love with you.” He let the words kiss her. He spoke them slowly against her, letting his tongue slip across her bottom lip as he said her name. Leila felt like she was melting. Her legs weren’t so much weakened as they were unwilling to support her at this moment. She began to slump back against the door but Remmy’s hand on her waist kept her steady, pulled her closer to him. She was waiting for him to kiss her for real but he didn’t. He just kept holding her. Slowly she opened her eyes and saw the struggle in his. She knew she must look equally troubled. “Remmy, we can’t do this can we?” she asked with no idea what she even meant by ’this’. “Remmy shook his head, “It’s all my fault. If I’d known…” He trailed off with a pained look on his face.

In that moment Leila made a choice. “You’re wrong.” she declared. Remmy looked at her, confused. Inhaling deeply, Leila went on, “We can do this. Even if it’s just for now, for this one moment we are going to do this.” She wrapped her arms around Remmy’s neck and leaned into him. He dipped his head towards her with a smile tugging at the edge of his lips before their mouths melded. It was a slow kiss, sensual and passionate just the way Leila had always imagined kissing Remmy would be like. She could feel the heat coursing through every part of her body. She didn’t care about anything that came before this moment. This was right, finally everything was right even though she knew everything would soon go back to being wrong. Leila stopped thinking and whispered against Remmy’s soft lips, “I love you too.”

Hey! So it’s been a while since I posted a Free Write Friday, but here I am. It feels good to be back. The latest prompt was to write about a first kiss. I decided I’d go ahead and share the first kiss of the characters in the story I’ve been working on. I felt it would be a good fit with the prompt since everything was pretty much a free write. I never know what’s going to happen until after I’ve finished the sentence. It’s rough, this is the first draft so don’t murder me if there is really horrible grammer or anything of the sort. I probably won’t leave this up long but I did want to share it with you and get some feedback! 

FWF/NaPoWriMo! “Life, love…”

 

Happy Monday! As always, the awesome/talented/creative Kellie Elmore gave an interesting prompt with Free Write Friday which you can read here. I hope you guys enjoy my take on it!

Make up your mind
I can not take your push and pull
Your hot then cold
You are an ever-swinging pendulum with all the back and forth

You are a Rubik’s cube
A high level sudoku
Not impossible to solve
But so much work to figure out

I am tired
Trying to make sense of everything you put me through
Never making sense of anything
My lids are so heavy

I used to understand.
I thought I understood
But now I am finding myself too often
In rooms that have just barely enough air in them to survive

But you want me to survive
Count on my will to stay with you
I feel rooted in your living room
And I just want to feel like I’m really home when I’m there

Tell me that I am home
Wrap me up, pull me close
Fill my nostrils with the scent of you
Until all I am is full of you

You are life
You are why I feel anything at all
And I just want to feel good with you again
I only want to be good with you

Make up your mind
Make up your mind to stick with me
Watch me love you even when I do not understand
Love me even when you do not think you have been understood.

 

Thanks for reading/listening! I hope you enjoyed my attempt at the prompt, if so, let me know in the comments below! You can also chat with me on twitter @talichaj or on my facebook page facebook.com/talichaj. And of course, be sure to follow the amazing Kellie Elmore as well @kellie_elmore!

 

 

Braving Up!

I’ve always been the “sweet” one, the one who is quiet and shy and polite. I won’t say that those who think that of me are wrong, of course, I am all those things but I’m also so much, much more. For as long as I can remember I have always had a fear of disappointing others or causing any upset or disrupting those surrounding me. I don’t know exactly where that fear comes from, or maybe I do, but I just don’t care to think hard enough into my past to figure it out. Because of said fear, I’ve always been cautious with how I present myself. Speaking politely, using proper grammar (or as close to proper as possible), never cursing or using vulgar language and so on. I never had an opinion that was purely my own because I was too busy trying to appease everyone else (and also because I am extremely indecisive). I simply smiled and stayed in the background as much as any given situation would allow. Over time, that became my comfort zone.

Through the years, I have encountered many different personalities and they’ve all been nothing like myself. I’ve met people who speak loudly, some (okay lots) who use curse words as much as most use the words “the” and “and”. I’ve met people who are not afraid to choose the least popular opinion as their own and fight for it despite what offense others may have because of it. Each of them have taught me that it doesn’t always matter how other people are going to receive you as long as you are always giving them your “true self”. I’m still learning how to do that. I’ve spent my whole life in a shell so-to-speak and it will take time and experimentation to break all those habits. But I want to break them.

I’ve started doing things like speaking up when I find myself being treated poorly. I no longer take the reactions of others so seriously; of course, I don’t go out of my way to offend others but I also don’t censor myself strictly from fear of breaking an image. Although there are still things that I have yet to conquer, I find that with age I am gradually learning to let go of the constant fear that kept me from becoming (on the outside) the person I have always been (on the inside).

What I hope whoever reads this gets out of it is as follows:

1. Never be afraid to be who you are.
2. Don’t let other people be the reason you make certain choices.
3. Work towards changing the things about yourself that make you unhappy or unsatisfied.
4. An image is just an image. You are more than what appears at first glance.

These simple lines are really the only thing I’m trying to remind myself: “There’s nothing wrong with who you are!” and “Just be true to who you are!” by Jessie J. from her song “Who you are”.

Let me know if you have had similar thoughts and feelings, and if you have any tips for braving up and being “your true self” share them with us in the comments below! We can also discuss this on twitter! Tweet #BravingUp to @talichaj
Thanks for reading my random thoughts. Until next time!

Free Write Friday! Falling

The prompt:

“We started dying before the snow, and like the snow, we continued to fall.” — Louise Erdrich, Tracks

The attempt:

Falling

We are burning bridges
And sinking ships
And fallen towers

We are crashing cars
And trains derailing
And branches breaking

We are slipping knots
And broken doorknobs
And leaky faucets

Everything we do is wrong
Even what is right
We are never blending

Always shifting
Always changing
Minds and directions

We are a map
Torn in half
Only missing the piece we need

We are missing the peace we need
Fighting in the name of freedom
What is freedom?

We fall
Like snowflakes
Hoping we don’t melt before we hit the ground

Hoping we don’t melt once we’ve hit the ground
We are falling
We are all falling.

Poem of the week!

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Welcome back to p.o.w.!!! I hope everyone is off to a great start to the new year! I’m excited about the poem I am sharing with you all this week, it’s by the talented Denice Frohman. You may remember that she was the poem of the week feature last summer in this post. She recently released her debut poetry album Feels Like Home (which is amazing by the way) and has shared a video of one of my favorite poems from it: “Accents”. I think you will enjoy her spirit as much as I do, she has such amazing stage presence and a real gift for bringing her words to life. Enjoy!

Make sure you let Denice know how much you love her work, leave her a comment on her youtube channel and don’t forget to subscribe so you can keep up with all her uploads! You can also find her on twitter @denicefrohman!

Poem of the week is posted every Thursday! If you want your poetry featured or have come across a great poem that needs to be shared feel free to submit it here

Free Write Friday! Already

The prompt:

The attempt:

So what if I should have?
I didn’t.
It’s done.

Time is not patient
Life is not forgiving
And both are always running out too soon

I won’t waste my worries on the past
Or at least I’ll say I won’t
And I’ll try but if I don’t, who cares?

What-if’s and should-have’s
Are only pre-requisites for regret
And I don’t want too many of those to look back on

We are all our own hourglass
With tiny grains of sand for seconds
That still fall through even when we aren’t watching

We are not allowed to pick any of those pieces up
And move them back to the side that gives
We can only let them go, watch them settle but not change them

That, that is what life is right?
Decisions; sand grains that are heavy if you could hold them
Actions and thoughts that may be right or wrong but are still ours

Every moment in life is a potential what if
A should have.
A could of.
A maybe.

Every moment in life lived is also an already.

Hey guys! I hope you are all having a fantastic Friday! This is the last FWF of the year, can you believe it!??! A huge thank you goes to the talented Kellie Elmore for giving us such awesome content to use for inspiration. I hope next year is full of tons more motivation for us all! Thanks for reading/listening. I can’t wait to see what comes next for us all! 

Like you mean it

Touch me like you mean it,
Like you don’t believe I am barbed wire skin
Or electric fence flesh.
Do it like you want to,
Better yet, just want to.

Press your palms against the softness of my hips,
Allow your fingers to sink into the way I curve
And do not be afraid of losing yourself within me.
Why do you always seem so afraid of losing yourself within me?

Your eyes fleet, hands swift,
You move so tentatively
Your touch could be a fallen eyelash on my cheek
It could be a whisper in my ear after I’ve already drifted to sleep.

Touch me like you want to set my insides on fire,
Like your fingertips are shots of whiskey,
Warm me until all I feel is good

Do not be afraid, I am not fragile
I will not break, I am built to bear your weight,
I crave the pressure of you pressing
So do not be hesitant

Touch me like you mean it
Like you want to
Like you want me
Or don’t touch me at all…

Not sure if this poem is finished yet but I wanted to share what I wrote the other day. Hope you guys enjoy!

Free Write Friday! “Figure it out”

The prompt:

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The attempt:

There are three envelopes.
One for what I say to make things easy
One for what I say to purposely make things hard.
And one for all the things I was never able to say to you because I’d have to say them to myself first.

I only placed one in the mail today,
And now I’m afraid it may have been the wrong one.
If it gets to you, don’t read it.
Burn it. Rip it into as many tiny pieces as you can and then set it on fire.

Or don’t.
Maybe it’s best this way.
Maybe the choice I made will save us both,
Will heal our sore hearts
Maybe it will be what sets us free.

You are a steel door most days
And I have lived my life trying to be a hinge connected to you
Allowing you the ability to move in the right direction
But I’m backwards and you, you take advantage of the freedom I’ve given

You wear me like an excuse, and I let you so maybe
I should be the one waiting by the mailbox instead.
But I know I’ll never get what I’m waiting for.
You know you will never give me what I’m waiting for.

Maybe I’ll mail the other two as well,
Throw you off my trail a little bit,
Stir things up and give myself a bit of wiggle room to work with eh?
I’ll let you process what every word of every letter means, on your own.

There are three envelopes.
One for what I say to make things easy
One for what I say to purposely make things hard.
And one for all the things I was never able to say to you because I’d have to say them to myself first.

I placed them all in the mail today
I doubted myself, and I doubted you.
I hope you’ll figure out which one I meant to send
I hope you know me well enough to figure it out…

I swear I gush every time I do a FWF about how much I love the free writing style of writing. I never would have written anything like this otherwise. Thanks to the wonderful Kellie Elmore  for always providing interesting prompts! Make sure you go support her today as her new book Candy from strangers is now available for purchase!!!

This is me

I am Frank Ocean and deadmau5
Classical and pop
Comedy and horror
Modern and traditional
Cheap beer and sweet wine

I am simply complicated
The way sour patch kids left you perplexed
The first time you ever tasted them

I am made of absent minded mother
And just plain absent father
I am only child raised In the home
But sibling to older brother and sister

I am poetry at it’s most average
Young adult novel and short stories
You will find me on the beach just to sit
In the ocean just to float

I am a million different things
There are parts of me most people will never see
But for the most part this is me.
Flats never heels
Makeup when I want to feel pretty
Pretty when I want to feel loved
Wanting to feel loved when I need it.

Poem of the week poll!

I want to know what you all think, so I’ve posted this poll of last months Poem Of The Week features to get an idea of what pulls YOU in. Who was your favorite from the month? Vote for them & let me know what made your choice stand apart in the comments!

Missed the p.o.w.? It’s okay, take a quick peek at the poems and then vote!

T Miller: Halloween Suggestions For Your Ex-Lover

Desiree: White Girl Can’t Love That Way

Maze & Swan: Two Untitled Group Pieces

Love and Riding Bikes

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Letting go of love is a lot like that moment you learn how to ride a bike on your own;
The whole time, someone else has been there right beside you
helping and supporting you,
and isn’t that an essential part of love?
The support I mean.

And you feel different because you have them there,
more assured and confident.
Just the thought of them not being there is terrifying and absolutely impossible to imagine.
You know without any doubt that they are necessary to maintain your balance and peace of mind,
you believe that it’s the two of you together that enables you to be so brave and successful.
Thing is, you’re only fooling yourself because they let go a long time ago,
and it’s just been you, holding your on self up and moving your own self forward.

You’ll wobble for a bit at first when you realize they are not going to be there when you look back,
fear will make you believe the most absurd things sometimes, it makes you believe that you would not stay steady on your on, that you will not gain speed and become comfortable taking the lead by your self;
Fear is a liar

Letting go of love feels like that moment when I realized I was pedaling on my own,
doing something for myself.
And yes, it was scary, I zigged and zagged and wobbled,
but I never fell.
I supported my self,
and I think that’s an essential part of the best love,
of self love.

I hope you guys enjoyed this new poem! I may record it later since you guys seem to like the spoken word pieces I do. Thanks for reading! Check back for more or you can follow me on twitter @talichaj where I post all updates! 

Did you miss my last poem “Just Be”? It’s okay you can read/listen here!

Poem of the week! Jess “Physicality”

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Happy November! I hope you guys enjoyed all the “poem of the week” features in October as much as I did! This month is going to keep that momentum going and I’ve got a great poem to kick us off! This week we’re going to read “Physicality” by Jess! I came across the work of Jess last week while reading through the poetry tag here on wordpress and I was drawn in by the honesty in her writing. I love finding poets that just capture my attention and reignite my passion for reading because I’ll let you guys in on a little secret; I’m not a huge fan of reading poetry. If you haven’t noticed a lot of the featured poems tend to be spoken word videos, but not today, today I’ve found a writer that makes me want to read!

Read Physicality by Jess!

Make sure you guys comment on her poem to let her know what you think! Also check her out on twitter @jessibabix33 and follow me as well @talichaj so you don’t miss next weeks p.o.w.!

Just be

I used to think marriage,
Think children; a whole house filled
I used to think not quite picket fence
More like wrap around porch
And weeping willow by the lake

I used to think cookies baking
Lemonade sipping at sunset
And laughter, lots of laughter

I used to think you,
Not just you but you and me,
Think kisses, think safety, think love.
Now I think I thought too much
Now I live now, not later
Now I don’t think about you

Don’t think about us
Don’t think about the potential we had
Decided not to fret about a fairytale
Decided not to dwell on what isn’t
what won’t, what can not.

Chose to let go of frivolous thoughts
It hurt to hold on to loving you
I Chose to let go of what hurt so long to hold on to
Chose to just be.
Un-holding
Un-held
No thinking about not thinking.
I think I figured out how to just be.

 

The dark places

The dark places
pull you below,
They grasp tightly
like weights on ankles
under water

They steal the air
from burning lungs,
And draw the screams
from tumultuous guts

The dark places
Relentlessly cast you in fear,
They convince you light has ceased.
It will never cease

When the darkness surrounds you
turn yourself into fire of determination
that equally lights the way
and sears the fingers of the dark that holds you.

Don’t you just love a random free write in the middle of the night? I have no clue where this poem came from, or even what it’s supposed to mean to me. However, I wrote it so I thought I’d share it in its raw form.