Just be

I used to think marriage,
Think children; a whole house filled
I used to think not quite picket fence
More like wrap around porch
And weeping willow by the lake

I used to think cookies baking
Lemonade sipping at sunset
And laughter, lots of laughter

I used to think you,
Not just you but you and me,
Think kisses, think safety, think love.
Now I think I thought too much
Now I live now, not later
Now I don’t think about you

Don’t think about us
Don’t think about the potential we had
Decided not to fret about a fairytale
Decided not to dwell on what isn’t
what won’t, what can not.

Chose to let go of frivolous thoughts
It hurt to hold on to loving you
I Chose to let go of what hurt so long to hold on to
Chose to just be.
Un-holding
Un-held
No thinking about not thinking.
I think I figured out how to just be.

 

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The leap

This is a super short story (less than 500 words) that I wrote as part of a writing prompt given by @writerlytweets We were asked to begin with the words “She jumped” and write for ten minutes. This is what I came up with. 

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   She jumped, well figuratively speaking, since her feet\ never actually left the ground. But she did indeed leap and did so without looking for fear of freaking out. We all have those things that just get to us, the ones that we can’t help but attempt to avoid at all costs. This was one for her. She had stayed up all night contemplating the options that lay ahead of her. Should she stick this out, see what it could really become or should she just call it quits and get the heck out of dodge?

   Love was not something Remy understood before she met Miles, and to be honest, it’s still not something she understands even after realizing she just may love him. She had always been on the outside of what was normal; no real family, no education beyond high school and no worthy relationships. Her life had been a series of events that led her to circumstances beyond her control. She worked, and at work she minded her own business. Then she went home…alone. Well technically she wasn’t completely alone because she counted Mr. sniffles, her light brown and white haired cat. She and Mr. sniffles were doing just fine on their own until one day Miles walked into the coffee shop and ordered a tall caramel mocha and double chocolate chunk cookie from her. He’d made some lame joke that surprisingly made Remy laugh without even meaning to. He had told her she had a beautiful smile and promised to come back to see it again. He hadn’t lied. In fact, he came by every day for two weeks just to speak with her for reasons she still cannot comprehend. Eventually, she gave in to his requests and joined him for dinner. Since that night they’d been inseparable.

   Love is not something Remy can explain. It took a lot more than two weeks of coffees to bring her to this ledge, her and Miles spent nearly a year learning one another as friends and testing her limits. He told her he loved her early on, but said that he’d wait for her to be ready to accept that from him. He honored his word, never pushing or pressuring her. It just hit her that she couldn’t imagine her life without him in it. So tonight, she stands before him, eyes filled with fright and awe, and she just does it. She jumps. It is every bit as scary as she thought it would be but loving someone outweighs that fear. And being loved outweighs everything else.

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A moment of kindness

Just wanted to share the kind note I received at work last night!

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One of my customers at the restaurant I work at wrote that on the back of her receipt after they paid and I didn’t see it until after they’d left. The thing is, they never mentioned anything about my poetry during their meal, I had NO IDEA they had ever heard me perform or read my work. It’s crazy being recognized for the thing I love to do and I am so happy that someone would take the time to let me know they think I’m doing something right!

I’d love it if you guys could take the time to let someone else know that you appreciate what they do. Send them a message or send them a tweet to let them know you appreciate them 🙂

If you happen to be the person that left this for me, thank you! That was so kind and made a rough day better 🙂

My possibly unpopular opinion on racism…

I don’t normally discuss this because it’s a tricky topic but I felt like expressing a few thoughts on the matter: racism. It’s something that is so huge and constantly focused on. It’s this massive thing that takes all of the air out of the room in an instant. People put so much energy into what lies in the past that it has no choice but to be a part of the present and ultimately the future. As an African American (which I won’t even get into the details of how much that lable annoys me right now) I find myself constantly on edge anytime I encounter other “African Americans” encountering “white America”. I just know someone will yank out race card for some unnecessary reason and it’s embarrassing. Is racism a current issue? Of course, it will never cease to be because hatred and lack of acceptance is hard to eradicate. Yes, there are racists all over the world, and they have children who grow up to become racists and so the cycle continues and will always do so. But not every white person hates black people or Asians or Latinos and vice versa. So when I hear generalizations it bothers me. When I hear people speaking of racism I hear them say “I hate white people because they’re all racist”. No. They aren’t all racist, in fact I’m 100% sure that the person making that remark is indeed the racist.

I guess the main opinion that I want to share with you all (which I’m fully prepared for the vote of unpopular opinion I may receive for this) is that racism will be forever perpetuated by “reverse racism”. I know I know, a lot of people don’t believe that’s a thing. Ultimately neither do I, but that’s only because at the end of the day I believe it doesn’t matter which side it is coming from or going to, if it’s racism it’s racism. But the thing is, some people feel they are not racist when they make negative remarks against a whole other race just because said race is the majority. News flash, that’s racism. I guess the way I see it is this: racism is a stereotype that White Americans endure. Same as Black Americans endure the stereotype that they are lesser. Lesser educated, poised and stable. Which we all know is not true in every case. Of course like all stereotypes, there’s some truth to them. However, they are only the truths of the sums of each races parts and not the whole. Every race has faults, that’s what being human boils down to most days. We all have the potential to be the same person whether we are White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, Indian, gay, straight, Catholic, Christian…so on and so forth. These are all labels we use to define the things that separate us from the person next to or across from us. They share our existence but they do not make us who we are at our cores. Once you strip those labels away the only one that is left is human. That is the only race that we should be fighting for. Yes each group has their own cultures and that’s beautiful. Own it. But I don’t believe the difference should be used as weapons, we only fight ourselves to use them as such.

Will my thoughts on this subject matter much? Maybe not. But I share them with you anyway. I don’t intend to take away from anyone else’s experience with racism. If you’ve experienced it then I can understand the sensitivity you have for the issue. I only ask that you do not judge a whole entire group for the actions and words of only a fraction of them. It is never fair to box in a group and label them without knowing where they stand. I am not your “typical black woman” I guess, and yes that’s another one of those pesky labels. But it doesn’t bother me. I am human first and the culture of my ancestry comes after that. It does not define me wholly, only my actions and the way I live my life can do that. My last words on racism is this; racism is something that only thrives because we feed it. I’m not so much an optimist that I think we can do away with it altogether but I believe we can diminish its flames, make it something less frequent. The key is to let it go, to not hold it in your hearts against those who did not do the harm. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible either.

So those are my thoughts. I’d love to know what you think in the comments below and you can feel free to discuss this further with me via Twitter @talichaj

One day

One day I’ll be back for you
One day I’ll be back for you…

We are not always meant to be
sometimes time has to step in between
And it hurts
The miles that stretch out in the space our hearts are supposed
to reside in goes on for days

I want to hold you
But I know it is not our era yet
One day I will kiss you and you will
Not taste the years we’ve lost

I will touch you and you will not feel
The way I grasp at you as though you are still
Only a part of my dreams

Instead you will feel warmth
And you will feel love
Because that is all I have for you
And one day I will come back to you, for you
Until then, live, love my love but never forget me

One day I’ll be back for you
One day I’ll be back for you…

Well, I decided to write this and record it in the wee hours of the night. So just like my last post “Laws and love” this one is pretty rough. Hopefully this too will be re-recorded but I still wanted to share what I’ve been up to with you guys. Thanks for reading/listening, let me know what you think in the comments. Feel free to tweet me @talichaj and I will see you guys next time! Have a great day 🙂

Laws and love

The law is that an object at rest remains at rest unless acted upon by a force.
My heart was once still as water on a quiet night
Until you threw your smile like skipping stones across it
Now it never experiences moments of halcyon tranquility

I am ever stirring with thoughts of you propelling me in multiple directions
As if you are everywhere and I am incapable of stopping until you make me
For an object in motion will remain in motion unless an external force acts upon it
In other words, you move me and if you do not interrupt me I will go on forever, loving you

You, you moon of a man I will beg the stars to move over just to make room for me
But they will not budge, I know, for you are a brilliant bright in the blinding night and they all just want to be near you
I wonder do you give them all the same crescent smile you tossed my way?
Is that why they never stay put in the sky, why I often lose them from my sight?

You are a force, like wind, only I can wrap my arms around you and I can feel your fingers dancing along my spine and I can look into those Bermuda triangles you’ve got for eyes and lose myself within them without worry. Some days you are stronger then you mean to be and you push me further from your reach but it never stops me from moving, loving.

For An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by a force
And I was once just an object at rest until you acted upon me.

Hope you guys enjoyed my newest poem. It’s still rough as I just wrote and recorded it within an hour. Maybe one day I’ll get the chance to do a legit recording of this piece as I rather like it. If you enjoyed “Newton’s Law” let me know in the comments below. Also, feel free to tweet me about this, or about the weather or how great or horrible your day is, you know whatever you want to tweet me here: @talichaj thanks! Have a great day 🙂

You have to hurt to heal…

I’m of a broken jigsaw puzzle,
no picture to help you piece all the scattered parts of me.
I’m not easy to figure,
no quick calculations here dear,
if you want to know my secrets, just ask.
I won’t scratch, I won’t bite,
I may lie here and there,
I’m no angel, though sweet faced,
Only human I make mistakes.

Tear me down as long as you’ll build me up better.
Break the seal I’ve put in place.
Don’t worry about hurting me,
for you can do no worse than I have.
You have to hurt to heal they say.

And I won’t question your intentions
as long as you don’t question mine.
And I won’t bleed if you don’t cut me.
So try not to tattoo my fragile heart with pain.

I play tough to make it through the day.
Avoid all the hurts in hopes they’ll fade away.
But hiding only pulls me closer to myself
So I’ll be waiting, hero come save me.

Tear me down as long as you’ll build me up better.
Break the seal I’ve put in place.
Don’t worry about hurting me,
You can do no worse than I have.
You have to hurt to heal they say.

These are the lyrics to a song I wrote a while ago. I can’t find the music for it anymore 😦 but figured I’d still share this with you guys. Thanks for reading!