So as you know I am a poet/spoken word artist, but over the last eight months I have not been performing for various reasons. Well no more! Last night I went out to open mic night and got on stage for the first time in so long and it felt like home! I was super nervous the whole time I was waiting for my name to be called. My stomach was trying to commit suicide, my mouth became a desert and my poor little heart was a super bouncy ball uncontrollably flying around the walls of my chest. Yep, nervous. Then I get up there in front of this room full of strangers and did THIS poem and the nervousness just…evaporated. I went from full out “OMG OMG OMG” to Zen Master just like that. It was amazing. I actually got lost in my poem while I was speaking it, I guess I went to the place I was when I wrote it. I didn’t black out or anything which I know some people tend to do when they get really deep into a poem, I was just less aware of my surroundings except for the moments I deliberately looked to the crowd for eye contact to make sure they were with me…and they were!
As a poet, when I’m on stage performing I take seriously facial expressions and the little noises people make. If I look out and everyone has a glazed over look on their faces then I know that they are not really feeling what I’m saying (which luckily has not ever really happened). But when I look out and see smiles on peoples faces or just an intent expression, like they are really listening or understanding what I’m saying, I know I’ve done good. If people laugh at something I intentionally made funny, I feel good. And if people make the mmmm noises, you know those sounds people make when they agree or strongly feel something, then I feel good. Because all those things mean I’ve managed to engage the audience and that I’m bringing them something they want/need to hear.
I’m so very excited to have done that last night. I was worried because it was my first time on stage in forever AND I was performing something that I’d never performed before. I had NO idea what to expect. The night went amazingly well and I am back in the game! So happy!